Have you ever received unsolicited email that is just so funny, you never want to “unsubscribe” to it? I have!
Some time ago (about a month) I started receiving email from people who call themselves *Chakra Healing. They were doing some sort of survey and asked me if I would be so kind as to participate.
The survey started off with an easy question: your name and surname. Because I’m rather shy and introverted, I gave them a nom de plume pseudonym, or as it is known nowadays: a secret anonymous avatar.
I called myself: **Vrot Poeper, seeing that I’m often referred to as “an old fart.”
I decided on Vrot Poeper because it’s nice and short – and easy on the ear in any language. I completed the survey; and that was that – or so I thought.
This morning I received another email from these guys. I’d like to share it with you:
Dear Vrot Poeper,
I need to clear the air on this. (I peed myself – clear the air, geddit?)
You see, I get a LOT of emails with questions on Chakra Healing. Some people don’t really understand what Chakras are about. The buck stops here. You deserve the truth.
Eight Chakra questions you were afraid to ask:
Your 8 questions (my answers in bold):
1. Are Chakras real? You’d better believe it!
2. How come I’ve never heard of it? You don’t live with me.
3. What impact will it have on my life? Your spouse will hate you and you will sleep in the spare room.
4. Will there be any pain or discomfort? Only if you duck too late, or keep it bottled up.
5. Will Chakras interfere with my religious beliefs? Contrary to popular belief, ALL religion is based on Chakras.
6. I’m a busy person. Will I have time for Chakras? You’ll always be able to squeeze a Chakra in.
7. What if I already practice something, like meditation? You can Chakra and meditate at the same time.
8. What is the best way to get started? Start with very little pressure and build up to a full force, hurricane-type, mass destruction.
What Chakras can do for you?
You’ll be more confident and intuitive. You’ll attract more abundance. You’ll improve your relationships with your friends and family. Your sex life will sizzle like never before. And whatever challenges life can throw at you, you’ll always have the answer.
Always ready to lend a healing hand,
OK. I sent my answers to the Chakra Healing Centre by email.
Now we wait…
*Chakra(s) – from Hindi, meaning: fart(s)
**Vrot Poeper – from Afrikaans, meaning: Rotten Farter
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